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The poo & guff thread...

Dayo said:
I was stood in one of the offices at work yesterday and played a quick game of unexpected fart tennis. I let out a brisk cheerful PAAARRPP. The person I was stood with then let out a slightly longer and louder reply. I instantly hit back with a trouser cracking noise that sounded like Morph being strangled. We then hear a banging on the office wall.
As I exit the room and walk past the next office I see that our manager is in the middle of talking to a couple of very important visitors.
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:lol:
 
I'm currently in Bali and to say I'm tinkling out of my arse is an understatement. Bali belly, not to be messed with. The flight home is going to be risky, got one spare pair of boxers in the hand luggage.
 
awesome dawson said:
I'm currently in Bali and to say I'm tinkling out of my arse is an understatement. Bali belly, not to be messed with. The flight home is going to be risky, got one spare pair of boxers in the hand luggage.
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Especially that 25 mins or so after taking off and landing where you cant use the toilet !!!!!

#Prayforawesomedawson
 
I could do with a really big brick,one that feels like it's your small intestine coming out. Been bricking rabbit pellets for a few days now and it's fudging frustrating.
 
I walked to our toilets today which are in the stairwells and our compliance department sit right next to the door to the stairs. I thought I would walk through the door and let one go (thinking it was a silent but violent one) but it was ridiculously loud and I already said "hello" to one of the guys just before I walked through the door, add to that the fart came through in the stairwell when the door was still open it echoed a big loud "bbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa".

I just went to the toilet and giggled non-stop for about 5 minutes. Had to go all the way downstairs and get a lift back up to my floor in the lift which is the furthest away from compliance as I would have just tinkled myself in front of them.
 
Re: The poo & guff thread...

Oh my GHod just drove to Tescos knowing I needed a brick but didn't think it was that bad. On way back my arse knows it's getting nearer the toilet but I live in a block of flats so have to park bout 50 yards away and open loads of doors go in lift. My word I was touching cloth and the explosion that came out when I just about made it on the toilet was immense. The relief. Whooooo. I even found time to send a what's app audio sound of it to my brothers...which nearly made me miss the bowl!!

Edit: and I now have no toilet roll which is in the car!!!!
 
Spooky I just had to have a poo in Asda it was like tarmac, mustve been a 12 wiper and I still feel I have poo left round my ring
 
I had a desperately close session this morning after my morning coffee, I parked my rear end comfortably on the throne, and spat a good'n - nothing new. Then my own personal hell was realised - no fudging bog roll.

It turns out the cleaner threw a sickie last night.

Anyway, after considering my options which ranged from phoning for help, hoping it was a no wiper, and using my boxers as toilet paper. I was literally up brick creek without a paddle. After some rather tense contemplation, and a turd burger later, I decided to take the James Bond of solutions to avoid eternal ridicule and also ruining my chances with the office hottie - all very real consequences with some of these options, not to mention being on a one way ticket to the dole queue.

I timed the average time I had where no other employees were in the toilet, and decided that I had a ten second window for what I decided to term as 'operation brick storm'.

In summary it involved doing the brick shuffle to the next cubicles with my trousers around my knees, meat n two veg out in the open in the endless persuit of some closure to this messy and sordid affair - the potential repercussions of failure were immense so brick storm had to succeed.

I heard the door close and took my chance, I was striding like a drunken crackhead but I managed to find some bog roll in the second cubicle, I then breathed a huge sigh of relief as I turned the lock to commence wiping which was clearly needed. As I did so I had a nice little rewarding surprise as I felt a second wind coming, oh what joy as a great adrenaline fueled bowl thumper emerged and set me up for a great day. I had slightly more of a smirk on my face than any toilet user should have when leaving a toilet and had a few funny looks, if only they knew.....
 
THFC said:
I had a desperately close session this morning after my morning coffee, I parked my rear end comfortably on the throne, and spat a good'n - nothing new. Then my own personal hell was realised - no fudging bog roll.

It turns out the cleaner threw a sickie last night.

Anyway, after considering my options which ranged from phoning for help, hoping it was a no wiper, and using my boxers as toilet paper. I was literally up brick creek without a paddle. After some rather tense contemplation, and a turd burger later, I decided to take the James Bond of solutions to avoid eternal ridicule and also ruining my chances with the office hottie - all very real consequences with some of these options, not to mention being on a one way ticket to the dole queue.

I timed the average time I had where no other employees were in the toilet, and decided that I had a ten second window for what I decided to term as 'operation brick storm'.

In summary it involved doing the brick shuffle to the next cubicles with my trousers around my knees, meat n two veg out in the open in the endless persuit of some closure to this messy and sordid affair - the potential repercussions of failure were immense so brick storm had to succeed.

I heard the door close and took my chance, I was striding like a drunken crackhead but I managed to find some bog roll in the second cubicle, I then breathed a huge sigh of relief as I turned the lock to commence wiping which was clearly needed. As I did so I had a nice little rewarding surprise as I felt a second wind coming, oh what joy as a great adrenaline fueled bowl thumper emerged and set me up for a great day. I had slightly more of a smirk on my face than any toilet user should have when leaving a toilet and had a few funny looks, if only they knew.....
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=D>

Post of the Year!
 
THFC said:
I had a desperately close session this morning after my morning coffee, I parked my rear end comfortably on the throne, and spat a good'n - nothing new. Then my own personal hell was realised - no fudging bog roll.

It turns out the cleaner threw a sickie last night.

Anyway, after considering my options which ranged from phoning for help, hoping it was a no wiper, and using my boxers as toilet paper. I was literally up brick creek without a paddle. After some rather tense contemplation, and a turd burger later, I decided to take the James Bond of solutions to avoid eternal ridicule and also ruining my chances with the office hottie - all very real consequences with some of these options, not to mention being on a one way ticket to the dole queue.

I timed the average time I had where no other employees were in the toilet, and decided that I had a ten second window for what I decided to term as 'operation brick storm'.

In summary it involved doing the brick shuffle to the next cubicles with my trousers around my knees, meat n two veg out in the open in the endless persuit of some closure to this messy and sordid affair - the potential repercussions of failure were immense so brick storm had to succeed.

I heard the door close and took my chance, I was striding like a drunken crackhead but I managed to find some bog roll in the second cubicle, I then breathed a huge sigh of relief as I turned the lock to commence wiping which was clearly needed. As I did so I had a nice little rewarding surprise as I felt a second wind coming, oh what joy as a great adrenaline fueled bowl thumper emerged and set me up for a great day. I had slightly more of a smirk on my face than any toilet user should have when leaving a toilet and had a few funny looks, if only they knew.....
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You're a lucky fella...
 
WV1YID80 said:
I could do with a really big brick,one that feels like it's your small intestine coming out. Been bricking rabbit pellets for a few days now and it's fudging frustrating.
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iP55q3s.jpg


Get a load of that motherfudger!

Deja-vu!!! I feel cleansed!!
 
Hahaha... I honestly thought the monster I produced the other month was a 1 off. Wrong. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I fudging needed that. Massive relief.
 
What is it about the morning coffee that immediately makes the bull run..? It's like a laxative. But i do the best clean bricks after a good morn brew. Sets me up for a good day.
 
Just had to have a wee on the train home, the toilet was occupied, after a few mins the door unlocked and out walked a little old lady

I walked in and OMG she had left one of the biggest turds Ive ever seen laying in the pan hahahaha
 
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