paxtonwolf
Tony Marchi
This has been the exact consistency of my bricks for the last week. I kid you not. (Obviously not that colour though)
Looks like the middle of a Mars bar
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The poo & guff thread...
- Thread starter GlennGoddle
- Start date
Looks like the middle of a Mars bar
thfcsteff
George Hunt
Marvelous. Rebel turd alert! If it had been blessed with limbs, you'd have been in trouble!
Today I was left feeling slightly surprised as I tried to entice a crap from my sphincter with the usual coffee. Upon parking my back passage down onto the thrown I let out what can only be described as satans burp. No brick just a ripper straight from the depths of hell itself. I feel great still but its the man in the next cubicle after I left I feel sorry for. Ill get over it as im sure he will.
GlennGoddle
Andy Sinton
I hadn't had a "proper" brick since Tuesday until lunchtime today. Went to the pub and had that burning sensation halfway through the 2nd pint. It is fudging horrible bricking in a public toilet at the best of times but this took a good 20 minutes. Lining the bog seat with toilet paper was a wise move in this instance as I usually hover but my legs wouldn't have handled 20 minutes.
The farts I had been letting off this morning were definitely an indicator; savage. I farted whilst I was walking out in the open and I could still smell it 10 minutes later,half a mile down the road.
The farts I had been letting off this morning were definitely an indicator; savage. I farted whilst I was walking out in the open and I could still smell it 10 minutes later,half a mile down the road.
Mumorn
Vic Buckingham
:ross:
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
3 days of taking cough rememdies have turned my farts rancid
GlennGoddle
Andy Sinton
Also,it came out 2 different colours. Normal turd colour underneath and a very light brown for the final installment. It had definitely been stewing.
It's also very uncomfortable trying to have a brick in a pubic toilet if there is no hook on the back of the door for your coat. There is absolutely no chance I am putting my coat on the floor so you obviously drape the sides of it either side of the bog whilst dropping the log - easy enough. Trying to wipe your ring whilst holding the end of a 3/4 length coat up and avoiding anything embarrassing takes a lot of concentration though.
It's also very uncomfortable trying to have a brick in a pubic toilet if there is no hook on the back of the door for your coat. There is absolutely no chance I am putting my coat on the floor so you obviously drape the sides of it either side of the bog whilst dropping the log - easy enough. Trying to wipe your ring whilst holding the end of a 3/4 length coat up and avoiding anything embarrassing takes a lot of concentration though.
thfcsteff
George Hunt
This morning I had the 30-wiper. Good Lord above, wipe after wipe of thick, dark brown, stodgy brick paste, the texture of Pataks curry concentrates. The result, I don't doubt, of enjoying one of my homemade soups. Chicken, spinach, leeks, onions, garlic and fresh ginger. Only last night the ring piece had sounded the clarion call for a disgusting two-pronged assault on ears and nose...
Dayo
Chris Armstrong
I have a slight problem at the moment. Went for a brick just over an hour a go and the toilet filled to the top, took ages to empty. Flushed again afterwards and again the water filled to the top, this time with the happy chappy making an appearance at the bottom of the toilet looking at me just taunting me. On about the 7th flush now and a toilet full of bleach and brown water.
thfcsteff
George Hunt
Plunger required. But as a professional you know that!
By the way, I would like to report that my coffee-to-sphincter line was on full-express mode today, barely made it back from the local java hut to the peace and quiet of my own thrown without signing my name in my underwear...put it this way; that tight-lipped look of concentration as I jogged gently home wasn't me focussing on work-related matters!
spurs' magna carter
Ronnie Rosenthal
My rusty sheriff's badge smells like an open drain.
thfcsteff
George Hunt
Congratulations. Not to be sniffed at. Those can be stealthy buggers which live on to cause havoc and some economic disgruntlement. I know the ones. They seem innocuous, but it's as though they grow in water!
Mumorn
Vic Buckingham
the drain in our back garden was blocked. Everytime you'd flush the toilet, it'd come up through the drain, disgusting. Finally got it sorted yesterday, the guy came round, undone the lid of the manhole, filled to the brim, toilet roll all under our decking (where the drain etc was), as he was plunging it, the smell was fudging awful. Took about an hour to clear it all, disgusting. Probably one of my bricks.
Dayo
Chris Armstrong
The man hole cover just happens to sit in our back garden. Many years a go I looked up to see about 12 neighbours gathering in the garden, the bastards let themselves in through the side gate without asking. Turns out my next door neighbour had a monster brick causing a rather large blockage. It smelt like the 1 week a year in the summer when we get the smell of pig/cow brick waft over from the fields and the smell gets into the washing. I have to go to work smelling like acres of brick. Anyway, it smelt like that.
thfcsteff
George Hunt
One cold winter's evening, I went down to the garage to see a small puddle around the garage drain. Now, the floor is slightly sloped towards said drain so as any run-off is easily, er, drained. This puddle was a tad brown in color and smelled rather foul. So I called a local plumber. He told us that he thought there was a blockage, most probably where our sewer pipe met the main street sewer pipe. He popped the concrete 'plug' lid (like a manhole cover) off, and inside the rectangle it was filled to the brim with what can only be described as pooey smudgey liquid the color and (apparent) consistency of a chicken korma.
"Oh that's not too bad!" he exclaimed before getting a plumbing tool out and going at it. Nothing drained away. It bubbled a bit. "Be back in a minute, I need a different machine!"
What happened in the next 10 minutes has stained my memory forever. All I can tell you is that within 8 minutes, I was standing on my steps looking down at this enormous river of lava-ike smudgy brick literally cascading out from the street. It must've been 20ft long and 4 feet wide. It was an eyesore, a nose-sore, I even swear I heard the fudging thing yelling and screaming that it was 'out to play' and 'spread it's joy in our 'hood'...
The plumber gets back and says, "Holy brick!"
You're not fudging kiddy matey-gonads, I replied, as he slapped on his waders, industrial gloves and went to war. He got to the bottom of it (pardon the pun) and we were soon aware that the entire neighborhood's brick for a week had been bubbling to the surface. At the end, there were still clotted piles of brick everywhere sans liquid.
I furiously hosed the street down for 20 minutes, 20-fudging minutes! It was around 8pm and zero degrees.
"What about the smell? What about the health hazard?"
"Oh no worries!" he replied, again cheerily, "the freezing weather kills the stench and the morning sun will kill any harmful elements in the sewage!"
Not trusting this, I still used a cleaning agent to scrub as much of the street as I could.
I have been all over the world, and let me tell you, I never expected my street/outside my home to be the place I would see with the most raw sewage in the gutter ever...
"Oh that's not too bad!" he exclaimed before getting a plumbing tool out and going at it. Nothing drained away. It bubbled a bit. "Be back in a minute, I need a different machine!"
What happened in the next 10 minutes has stained my memory forever. All I can tell you is that within 8 minutes, I was standing on my steps looking down at this enormous river of lava-ike smudgy brick literally cascading out from the street. It must've been 20ft long and 4 feet wide. It was an eyesore, a nose-sore, I even swear I heard the fudging thing yelling and screaming that it was 'out to play' and 'spread it's joy in our 'hood'...
The plumber gets back and says, "Holy brick!"
You're not fudging kiddy matey-gonads, I replied, as he slapped on his waders, industrial gloves and went to war. He got to the bottom of it (pardon the pun) and we were soon aware that the entire neighborhood's brick for a week had been bubbling to the surface. At the end, there were still clotted piles of brick everywhere sans liquid.
I furiously hosed the street down for 20 minutes, 20-fudging minutes! It was around 8pm and zero degrees.
"What about the smell? What about the health hazard?"
"Oh no worries!" he replied, again cheerily, "the freezing weather kills the stench and the morning sun will kill any harmful elements in the sewage!"
Not trusting this, I still used a cleaning agent to scrub as much of the street as I could.
I have been all over the world, and let me tell you, I never expected my street/outside my home to be the place I would see with the most raw sewage in the gutter ever...
thfcsteff
George Hunt
Nightmare scenario on my flight today. Went in, settled down for a bit of brown chuntering, 5 minutes idle daydreaming whilst hatching what did feel like a toffee river to be fair...but then came the horror! Good grief, not a two-wiper, or a 4 or even a 6...the dreaded Dirty Dozen which STILL needed (in my hygienic opinion) the intervention of heavy gauge paper towel soaked in warm water from the immediately adjacent sink! Last night's dinner did include a fantastic filet mignon and a 1982 Lynch Bages (red), but you'd have thought that the sheer quality of said-dinner would NOT eject itself in such a filthy, smudgly fashion! Needless to say, after two flushes I washed my hands thoroughly with warm soapy water. Thank GHod the pervasive smell was the 'blue loo' stuff and that half the plane was dark/asleep...